The Edger Collection by David Beem

Author:David Beem [Beem, David]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Escapist Press
Published: 2020-03-31T22:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER Twenty-SIX

The conversation coming from the rear of the van for the last two hundred miles is less interesting than two paper clips. Fabio shifts to his left butt cheek. He shifts to his right. Nothing is helping the knot in the middle of his back. He stifles a yawn and scans the rearview mirror.

“Wait. Who’re you?” asks Wang for the hundredth time.

Danny’s head turns. “CIA.”

“Oh,” says Wang. “That’s right.”

A bug splats the window. Fabio squirts the washer fluid.

“Wait. Who’re you?” asks Wang again.

“C-I-A.”

“Whoa,” says Shmuel.

“Wait,” says Danny. “Who’re you?”

“Wang.”

“Right. Right.”

“You wanna join our cult?” asks Wang.

“Join a cult?” asks Danny. “No fucking way.”

“I’ll give you one of these.”

Fabio checks the mirror. Wang’s leaned over for Danny to examine the gold medallion hanging around his neck. Danny expels a burst of air in a puff, his eyebrows rising.

“Nice. That’s nice.”

“Thanks,” says Wang. “Got a whole box of ’em in the back.”

“You got a box of these? You could sell ’em.”

“I’m not gonna sell ’em,” says Wang, snatching his medallion away. “Join our cult if you want one.”

“I’m just saying. I got an aunt who travels around and sells shit like that. Makes a lo-ot of money.”

“It’s not for fucking sale, all right? If you want one, you gotta join the cult.”

“Derp. I’m stoned,” says Johnny Gemini.

“A bit more emotion there, Johnny,” says Ralph.

“Derp. I’m sto-oned. Dude.”

“Perfect!”

Consuelo makes a fart sound. Christine giggles.

“I meant no offense,” says Danny. “I’m just saying, these look valuable.”

“Well, of course it’s valuable,” replies Wang. “It’s the official pendant key chain for the Church of the Ladder Day Dudes.”

“The what, now?”

“Our cult, goddammit.”

“Is that like, Dudeism? Like, from The Big Lebowski?”

“Fuck no. They’re the Latter-Day Dudes, with two t’s and a hyphen. We’re the Ladder Day Dudes, with two d’s and no hyphen. It’s the hyphenless ladder to heaven. Totally different.”

Danny nods, and for a while, they drive on in silence.

“So what do you do in this cult?”

“So far?” Wang shrugs. “Honestly? Get stoned and drive to Indiana. Try not to get blown up before we get there.”

“And I get one of those?”

“Yep.”

“Okay, fuck it. I’m in.”

Fabio checks the mirror again. Wang’s frowning.

“Wait, wait,” says Wang. “Who’re you again?”

Danny leans his head back and closes his eyes. “CIA.”

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